Learning To Love Again

I promised Sally and Hannah that I would write about the life of Loki.  So here we go…

My mom was never a cat person, but she had started to really get used to Salem, one day she told me about this poor kitty that she found outside.  She saw him all the time, *I* on the other hand never did and was starting to think she was making up tales.  I was out on the porch one day and saw a kitty following the pizza guy going to the apartment next to us.  I asked her if that was the kitty and she was so excited I finally saw him.  He looked hungry so we decided to put a small bowl of food out and see what happens.

The next day he was waiting outside of our door.

The very first picture

He was skinny, covered in fleas and had some bad teeth, one tooth was actually outside his lip, cutting into his upper lip.  Someone in the complex had put a flea collar on him and we soon discovered who it was.  A neighbor that was worried about him but could not take him in.  We continued to feed him and were trying to decide what on earth we would do.  I would see him nearly get run over, sleeping under my car and sleeping in our bush.  I decided to take one of Jack’s old dog beds outside and see what he would do then.  He would come there every single night and sleep.  Salem discovered him and would sit inside just watching him.

I dunno mom….

It was october and it was starting to get really cold out.  I began to worry about this little guy.  We decided it was time to bring him in, maybe, clean him up and get him a home.  My brother had just gotten himself in some trouble and was sitting in jail.  Mom and I were a little lonely, and we had a room to be able to put him in until we decided what to do.  I wanted to take him from outside to the vet, so I had made an appointment.  I knew where he was the whole time, went to get my friend, came back and he was GONE.  It started to completely down pour, I couldn’t find him anywhere, so here we were walking around my complex in the pouring rain asking if anyone had seen him.  I had finally decided to give up when there he was, out of the rain, and under my car.  I looked at him and he got out from underneath and followed me to our door.  I very easily picked him up, put him in a carrier and we off to the vet.  I was a little afraid of what they would say to be honest.

The vet told us, he was a boy, he was healthy and all he had was bad teeth and fleas!  So he got all his shots and I got a flea bath to give him once I got home to get rid of anything that wasn’t killed by the med they had given him there.  Easy right?

Wrong.

My friend and I bring him up to the bathroom, she gets in the tub sorta and I sat down outside of it holding him.  The second he got wet he did the ole, kitty no like scream fest and went flying.  I still have a scar from his back nails (he was declawed as well and outside!)  I threw him into the sink and we finished the job.  WHEW!  No more fleas!!!

When he went back for his recheck it was decided that the teeth needed to go.

Snaggle tooth

ALL of them!  He only had the little tiny teeth in the front bottom.  We were told he would not eat anything hard, well he proved them wrong there.  All he wanted was hard food and boy he sure ate it!  Even right after having them removed.  Stubborn.

We soon discovered he was going to do whatever he wanted rather we liked it or not!  But as you probably know by now, most of the time it was hilarious.  He also LOVED drinking from the bathroom sink.  He would follow anyone in there and hop up on the sink.

We called him “camel”

It became known in our house by everyone that you just let him follow, otherwise he’d figure out how to get in the bathroom anyway! His little paw would slip under the door and hed figure it out.

We had him for a few years before we learned that he was diabetic.  I was so scared, I had never heard of such a thing in cats.  I was very lucky to have found a site that was all about diabetic cats.  They even sent us a free monitor, strips, a rice bag and a tag for his collar that said hes on meds and needs to be taken to a vet if found.  I quickly discovered their group on facebook and was comforted to know that I wasn’t the only one.  They were able to answer my questions more so than my vet!

In August he took a turn for the worse and was having trouble walking.  We rushed him to the ER vet and were told his kidneys were trying to fail.  For a week we took him every single night there and he received fluid treatments.  He started to get better and then on the last day, all day I had a bad feeling.  Even called my mom from work several times asking about him.  I got home and sat with him for a long time.  He wasn’t eating and that was something he had always done.   Eat and drink, always.  My mom had to work that night and my brother was sick, so I went to take him for his treatment alone.  It had been taking about 15-20 mins every night but this time was different.  I even saw the door open and saw our vet sitting there looking upset.  That bad feeling grew even more.  She finally came out and had said that his ketones had sky rocketed and that he had even lost some weight.  His vitals were low and she honestly was giving him about 24 hrs.  I was beside myself.  here I was alone for the first time the entire week and now I was going to have to make a decision all on my own.  I had never had to make this type of decision.  None of us had.

I called my mom at work and she told me that I would know if it was time and I had the job to make sure he didn’t suffer.  My brother said the same.  My friend came to sit with me (the one whos not speaking to me btw) and she took some photos of us together and of him.  I sat and cried and cried and held him and loved him.  I sang him our song and asked him what he wanted.  The second those words came out of my mouth he moved around, nuzzled my neck, gave me one of his kitty kisses and started to slowly breathe.  We had thought they had given him something, but they hadn’t.  i knew.  I wanted so badly for my family to be there, but it wasn’t possible.  When I had decided it was time, he went very quickly as he was so weak.

There are times that I still blame myself for making the decision.  For not “trying” more but I also know that I had tried everything I could.  I had exhausted myself and my bank account, all for him.  I still had furbabies at home that needed me.  I had no idea just how much one of them was about to need me either.

Sleepy head

I am honored that he picked us over all those other people in the complex.  I am so happy that we were able to bring him inside and love him and clean him up.  It makes me mad to think that maybe he was dumped, or left behind when he was such a great kitty.  So full of life even to the end.  I miss the feel of his cold ears, the smell of his fur and the way his tail always had a life of its own.   I miss how he would meow or “talk” to you if you spoke to him.  Like you were having a conversation.  My mom called him our social butterfly because he come and be around everyone.  He loved playing with Jack and he would lay with him and they would chase toys together.  He would sit downstairs in a chair and if you couldn’t find him somewhere, thats where he would be.  I could sit here and write on and on about how wonderful Loki was and how much he touched our lives.  But I shall end this here.

So, what do you guys wanna know about now?? 🙂

<3 Kendi and Guardian Loki

Ok so I promised more stories 🙂

This one is about Salem the warrior!

Its not a long one, but it is something that mirrors the Loki story I told the other day.

Only this was a chicken wing.

Yes… a chicken wing.

Exhibit A

BBQ Flavored

Yep, thats Salem, eating it right off the bone!!  He had grabbed it originally so I felt why not hold it for him, and of course take a picture 🙂

Well everyone, this year has given me a lot of hardship, a lot of sadness, a lot of happiness.  And I’m somehow still here!!  Here I come 2014!

<3 Kendi and her furbabies

Guardian Loki

As I mentioned before, Loki really lived up to his name sake.  He was always in trouble.  Most of the time I would catch the acts on camera as I found them so funny I would have to grab my cell for a picture.  My mom on the other hand would usually not be as thrilled as I was.

Last year on thanksgiving, we had just got done our large meal for three.  (Mom, me and my brother) Our family lives far away so it usually is just us for the holidays.  It is something we are very comfortable with by this point.  However, this year someone wanted to be apart of the family dinner.

nom noms

Loki had gotten up on the table and went right for my mom’s plate.  She kept telling me to get him, but instead I took a picture!  As you can see she was not happy, I however was hysterical. After she had shooed him away, he came over to my plate.

Mommy and Me

The very next day my brother made the big mistake of putting his left over plate on the floor.  I sat there watching as Loki came in, grabbed the biggest piece of turkey he could get (it was twice the size of his head!) and took off with it.  My brother just watched in shock.  even more so surprising, that cat ate the whole thing HAHA.

I know that a lot of these stories are very much just personal little blurps, but they have all meant the world to me and are what make me miss them the most.  Any stories you guys would like to hear next???

<3 Kendi and Guardian Lokitty

Since I shared a story about Loki yesterday, I thought I would share a story about Salem tonight.  For the most part Salem was one of those lazy house cats, but he did have his moments.

I had bought this hoodie that was custom and I some how scored it for much cheaper when I went to see the band, then when I tried to order it online.  I LOVE it.  It just so happens to be missing a string now though.

For weeks, Salem would randomly attack it, rather it was on me, on the bed or hanging up.  I never understood, as he never acted like that with anything!

One day I put it on and realized, there was no string!!  I looked around and realized Salem was rolled up in it, he was SO proud that he had finally gotten the string.

And every day after that he would play and play with it.  As soon as I would even GO to touch it he would get all ready to start batting at it.

  MINE

I think I realized how unwell he was feeling when he didn’t want to play with the string.  It made me really sad.  But it was also a good indicator of how he was truly feeling.  After he passed I tied it around his collar and have it hanging on my wall.  All though a certain kitten thinks he can reach it LOL.

no really its mine mom

<3 Kendi and Warrior Salem

Yes, I am still getting grief from my friend, but I thought today I would share a story that is close to my heart, I posted on facebook a silly idea of writing little stories called Loki the Guardian and Salem the Warrior.  I might just use this site as a way to do that, however for now I shall share a story of Loki.

Now he was always the little mischief maker, his name says it all.  One day I bought him this little angry bird toy.  Looks just like a bird you would throw at piggies.  Anyway, Loki would play with it like crazy, you know the up in the air kinda crazy.  Weeks went by and he would bring it to me and we would play and he would bat at it constantly.

Then…it disappeared.  I looked everywhere for it, HE looked everywhere for it.  You could see him actually wondering where the hell that darn thing went!

where is that toy??

We never did find it.  He was sad but he moved on and before long he had gotten sick and was only sleeping with his bear instead of running around.

Yesterday, Dodger came prancing out from behind my desk (where he shouldnt be!) with guess what?  That silly angry bird!  And I mean, pranced.  Like he was SO proud he found it.  Then I watched him play with it, throwing it in the air just like Loki used to.  I shed a slight tear and thought, well hell…maybe Loki found it for him?  I’m not sure, but he has yet to put it down.  It’s with him always, right now hes sleeping with it.

Gmom and Dodge

See the angry bird?  Yep.  Dodger has a new favorite toy and for the first time, I’m not upset that he or even Athena are playing with something that wasn’t “theirs.”

So there is my story.

Also today was the day I finally got Salem’s ashes, so I am a bit out of sorts due to that as well.  But at the same time, I feel like a wave of peace has come over me, like by having him ‘home’ everything will be ok.  Now to find a nice container or locket.

<3 Kendi and Guardian Loki

I know that all my decisions are not everyones favorite.  I’m honestly not asking for everyone in the world to be ok with everything I do.  The only person that needs to be ok with what I do, is myself.  I feel like, if you don’t like it, that sok, but man…respect that it was my decision to make, hell even if it was a mistake.  I think mistakes are how we grow.  If I never learn anything, whats the point of being alive?

I admit, I have been pretty pretty depressed over Salem.  Loki was hard enough, then to lose Salem so soon after, it was earth shattering.  I thought I wouldn’t have to go through it alone, I thought Id have my BFF here to help me.  Now in my darkest hour she has turned on me…why?  because of this face…

i see her point of perhaps its too soon for me.  But thats all I see.  I don’t think my mom and brother did anything wrong in getting Dodger, I don’t think ALL of my friends but her are lying to me and are secretly talking crap behind my back, I don’t think it makes me love or hurt any less over Loki and Salem.  I have a dog and another cat, I LOVE them very very much.  Nothing can change this.

Its just odd to me that the heart she once adored about me…is her reason for being so mad.

Oh well…

<3 Kendi and Warrior Salem Bynx, plus Dodger

Dodger

This little bugger has made his way into my home, room and heart.  I miss Salem and Loki incredibly much, but I know how much they both hated to see me cry and be so down.  While I am still very much grieving, Dodger has made my day seem a little brighter.  He’s so curious and all over the place.  I have never had the joy of having a kitten so the experience will be so different for me.

My best friend is not really excited, at all.  She thinks its too soon, she thinks it shows I never loved my other two cats AT ALL, and she thinks Im doing a great injustice by Dodger by keeping him.

I am not sure how I feel about having a friend that could say such hurtful things….

Merry Christmas eve everyone!!!  Someone has to get himself ready for Sandy Claws!!!

<3 Kendi

I decided it would be a healthy idea for me to continue to post blogs from time to time.  I have made a bunch of friends here and I know they would want to stay in contact with me.  Also, writing about my feelings has always been a good idea for me.  I may hop over to Salem’s blog and post from time to time but without him here there is not much left for me to update.

Tomorrow we make a huge decision.  The decision to bring home a new little love who is in need of a home for christmas.  It just sort of happened.  I did not go looking for a new pet.  He was just sort of there and I felt the pull of fate drawing me towards him.  It’s only been a week that I have been without my Salem and I am still very very hurt and wounded.  But perhaps this little guy will cheer me up and help ease the pain just a little.  I know it will not be the same, I know he is NOT Salem, and I don’t want him to be.  I am kind of excited for the unknown, for not knowing what a kitten is like, for never having gotten that chance with any of my kitties.

Who knows what the world has in store for us.

<3 Kendi

So this blog is going to be about us trying to move on after such a crushing blow.  If you would like to stay in touch with me and my family, here is the place to do it.  “Jerry” said I had to keep blogging and to “Just keep swimming”!

Us.